FOD Chap 14 Extra: Xue Zi Xuan

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Xue Zi Xuan Extra:

After his sister’s death, Xue Zi Xuan realized that he was a monster. That year, he was only eleven years old, and he practiced in the piano room every day in order to participate in the Chopin International Piano Competition. He remembered, one day, his mother suddenly rushed in and choked, “Zi Xuan, your sister passed away, go see her.”

He walked out of the piano room to find that his home had already been arranged into a funeral hall, his less than a year old sister lying in a small coffin, wrapped in new swaddling. She was born with erythroblastosis, and still passed away after several months of treatment. His mother was lying on the table, crying bitterly, yelling out his sister’s name with heart wrenching wails. His father was silently crying, his eyes red, his expression similarly grief-stricken. Xue Zi Xuan touched his heart, but it truly was awfully tranquil. He couldn’t feel their grief, he couldn’t blend in with this family. When they were busy rushing back and forth to treat his sister’s illness, he never even asked about her well-being.

“Take a good look at her! What’s that look on your face? Don’t you feel sad?” His mother had apparently noticed his abnormality, she pressed his indifferent face to the small coffin, so he could look at his dead sister’s face. He stared at her indifferently, his eyes dry, after a long time, his mother let him go and regarded him with new, doubtful eyes.

After his sister’s burial, his mother took him to visit a psychiatrist, from then on, he started a five-year treatment. He slowly accepted the fact that he was a monster who couldn’t feel empathy, such people couldn’t understand the feelings of others, didn’t understand what it was to feel their sadness or joy. He had scoffed at this, because he knew that music could make him feel sad, and even make him feel happy. In the world of music, he was complete.

But many years later, when that fated boy appeared, he understood what it was to feel truly complete. Prior to this, his world was black and white, like the jumping piano keys, but after his arrival, the world’s most beautiful colors were brought into his monochrome world, loveliness and beauty that he had never appreciated before.

His mother was suffering from depression, and even had suicidal tendencies, in order to help alleviate her condition, his father adopted a baby girl. But unfortunately, when the girl was three-years-old, she was diagnosed with congenital heart disease. Because the Xue family already had one dead daughter, they refused to give up on another, so his parents spared no effort for her treatment. Xue Zi Xuan already understood that he was different from ordinary people, and had learned to cover it up. Even though he felt nothing for this sister, he reluctantly accepted her intimacy, but this eventually led to a habit of wearing gloves, which was his last layer of defense.

When she was six years old, her piano talent started showing, and he saw her for the first time, he even thought that she’d appeared in the Xue family by the will of heaven. He was willing to teach every talented child, and he looked forward to their growth. The country needed more people to uphold music, because it was the only place that could make him feel emotions, it was his bridge to the real world. If there was no music, it felt like he was living in a vacuum, and would eventually suffocate.

As his sister grew to sixteen years old, her heart gradually became unable to support her increasingly maturing body. When his father asked him to secretly bring her twin brother back to the Xue house, he knew what they were going to do, but he didn’t feel anything. His sister needed a healthy heart, and someone could provide such a heart, that was all.

The first time he met the boy was in a rundown loess cave, to tell the truth, the first impression was not good. He never imagined that the waxy skinned, yellow dirt stained boy standing in front of him would became his most beautiful dream, and his most regretful predestined fate. On the way back to the capital, he didn’t say a word to him, and after he took him back to the Xue house, he treated him with extreme apathy and warned him, one, don’t touch me; two, don’t call me brother. After all the dust settled, he often recalled this sentence, and felt like his bones were being crushed and his heart was being clawed out.

The boy looked up at him, his black eyes full of fear and confusion, faint tears glittering in his eyes, as if he would cry at any moment. Every night, every night for the rest of his life he dreamed of being able to travel back to that point in time, to hold the boy tightly in his arms and tell him in the gentlest tone. “You can, you can do anything to me. Don’t be scared, I’ll protect you.”

But in reality, he’d done nothing for him. He threw him to his scheming family and left, until he came back home after his tour and found him sitting before the piano. He couldn’t believe that it was the first time the boy had touched a piano, his ‘Good Morning’ made him feel as if he was smelling the fresh morning dew and the dawn, the exhaustion from the long journey immediately dispersing. That was the first time he’d truly looked into the boy’s eyes, suddenly realizing that they were extremely beautiful eyes, and as he stared deeper into those eyes, it felt as if he could glimpse another gorgeous world in his bottomless pupils.

That world was so mysterious that it fascinated him. He began teaching the boy to play piano, and was forever captured. The boy was even more outstanding than he’d imagined, and when he sat in front of the piano, cheerfully dancing with his fingers, he simply couldn’t look away from him. He was like a magnificent bridge, like a surging tide, charging into his heart with irresistible force.

When he saw the boy fondly lying on Xue Yan’s knees and chatting happily with him, he felt jealousy. He hated his original self for being so indifferent to him, turning his heart away from him and letting him give it to another. If he’d taken care of him after bringing him back to the Xue house, and listened to his anxiousness and confusion, maybe he would’ve become the most important person in his life.

But this ‘maybe’ had never existed from the start. When his sister and parents squeezed and exploited the boy, he gradually became conscious of why he’d originally brought him back. The boy stood on the Vienna Golden Hall’s stage, shocking the world with his superb skills, but also shattering his heart. The boy’s tears and sweat that had sprinkled onto the keys had also fallen onto his heart, watering a seed called love, letting it quickly take root and sprout. His barren, desert-like heart was gradually covered in green vines and beautiful flowers, and each flower was condensed from his love for the boy and his music.

He was a lovely high note, he was the most beautiful melody, and also the most touching love song. Through him, he realized the beauty and warmth of the real world. He ran onto the stage and firmly embraced him, announcing to the world that he was his pride. If he could, he wanted to freeze time at the moment of their embrace.

The boy made his hollow chest grow a heart, gushing out blood, becoming a flesh and blood man capable of feeling. However, wherever life had a beautiful side, there was naturally an ugly side. When he brought the boy back to the Xue house, he was once again suddenly conscious of his original purpose for bringing him there.

His sister asked him if he wanted her to live, this sentence made his blood condense into ice. He naturally wanted her to live, but if he could only choose one, he knew which one he would choose. He tried to protect him, but it was all too late.

The boy seemed to notice something off about the family, escaping the Xue house that night. He both wanted to bring him back, and hoped he would never come back. But as long as he recalled him lying on Xue Yan’s knees and smiling brightly, he couldn’t restrain his jealousy. At that time, the boy’s eyes were full of countless stars, floating across one by one, forming a bright light stream. His greatest wish was for that stream to envelop him too one day.

He endured it for three days, almost going mad from desperately missing him. When his father decided to bring the boy back, he was ecstatic, and anxiously impatient.

But then reality gave him the hardest blow. The boy had unexpectedly joined with Xue Yan, and while he was still fretting and hesitant, they had made a commitment for a happy future. He didn’t know how to get away from the Xue family, he woke up from nightmares every day. Xue Yan had found out about their plot, his father was extremely panicked, but he was only concerned about whether the boy had also found out the truth. What he craved most was the boy’s love and attention, and what he feared most was the boy’s hatred. However, he not only didn’t get his love, he could possibly be confronted with his hatred.

Who would fall in love with someone trying to kill them? This was his original sin that he would never be able to wash away. He hid in his room, clutching his throbbing heart, he clearly had a healthy body, but he was experiencing the gut wrenching pain of his sister’s heart attacks, wishing for death. When the boy returned to the Xue house, every cell in his body was clamoring in longing, but he didn’t even have the courage to look him in the face.

He was afraid to see hate and resistance in his pure, watery eyes. Hate was a knife, it would cut his mind and soul into pieces. However, beneath the pain and suffering he felt a trace of relief: It’s good the boy got away, now he can’t be hurt. But in the end, he’d underestimated his sister’s determination, when he received the butler’s warning message, he almost dropped the phone.

He rushed home as fast as he could, but it was still too late. Seeing the boy’s bloody chest wound, he felt like his own body was cut. When the police brought him out, his reoccurring nightmare had already become reality. The boy was hiding behind Xue Yan, and looking at him with fear and hate.

At that moment, the green vines and beautiful flowers in his heart all withered, once again barren. The bloody wind assaulted his face, almost choking him. In that moment, the gorgeous and magnificent world he was able to peep into had completely closed. The blissful future he’d imagined countless times had become unending hopelessness. It was at this moment that he realized what it truly meant to lose the boy’s trust.

It was a dead silence more terrible than death.

The doctor told him that his hands couldn’t be healed to their previous condition, but he didn’t feel anything. These hands were destroyed to save the boy, this thought brought him unprecedented satisfaction, he even looked at the bloody bandages with gratefulness. Before that, he’d never done anything for him, now, he was willing to pay everything for him. He tried his best to cooperate with the police investigation, and confessed in court. He’d stared at the plaintiff seat, hoping the boy would look at him, even if it was with hate.

But he was still disappointed, the boy’s hatred had reached a point where even looking at him was nauseating.

He lowered his head and told himself that this was the retribution he deserved. The Xue family collapsed, and Xue Rui’s company was annexed by Xue Yan. Part of its assets was used to cover debts, part was used to compensate for the boy’s mental trauma. Xue Zi Xuan was the world’s former top pianist, he had quite a lot of savings. He refused the agent’s proposal to sell the mansion, the boy had lived here for at least a year, if he moved, he would lose his last connection to him.

Now, his outcome could be considered as ‘a complete defeat and fall from grace’ and ‘ruined and orphaned’. Because of ligament rupture, even holding a pen was difficult, not to mention playing the piano. If it was the past, he would certainly be unable to face such despair, but now, he was quite peaceful, because he was paying for his crimes. He seemed to have lost everything, but only he knew, the burning love that filled his heart had not even been slightly reduced, instead, with the passage of time, it grew more and more intense, and it was enough to keep him living. He sat in front of the TV and unblinkingly stared at the boy’s performance with Ivanov.

After the attempted murder, the boy was known as the tragic genius, his amazing talent and rough life made everyone fanatically love him. In fact, he was worthy of this love. He performed so well, the audience stood up and applauded, and many of the invited war veterans even burst into tears. A long time later, after the boy’s figure had long disappeared from the screen, Xue Zi Xuan wiped away his cold tears, and walked to his desk. Then he drew music notes using the burning love that overflowed from his heart.

He edited it over and over again, spending a full five years to compose the song ‘Forever’. Then, with apprehension and excitement, he mailed it to the boy who had already grown into a piano master, no, he should be called a young man. He was still so handsome, his clear and bright eyes also hadn’t change. He behaved more and more low-key, often not appearing in public for a year or two, unless there was a major performance. Xue Yan had treated his legs, and every time they bustled through a crowd, he would embrace his shoulder protectively, and even reach out to hold his waist, his smile especially contented. There was a lot of speculation about their relationship, but no one dared to be too excessive.

Xue Zi Xuan collected all the media photos of the two, cutting out Xue Yan’s face, and made an album. The belief that kept him alive was – Perhaps one day, that boy will personally play ‘Forever’ as a memorial to his love. However, Xue Zi Xuan waited for a lifetime, in the end, he couldn’t wait any longer. He laid on a hospital bed, a needle piercing the back of his wrinkled hand, hooked up to a ventilator.

He pulled off the ventilator and took a difficult breath. His vision started to blur, and he seemed to return to the beginning, when he was a young man, walking down the muddy path and into the boy’s dilapidated cave. Seeing the boy’s dirty face, his bright, star-filled eyes widening in wonder as he looked at him, he couldn’t help but smile. He walked over, unhesitantly pulled the dirt stained boy into his arms, and piously kissed his forehead, sighing, “I’m here. This time, I’ll protect you. Can we start again?”

The boy nodded ignorantly, his dark pupils vividly reflecting his figure.

In a longed for, magnificent fantasy, Xue Zi Xuan contentedly left the world.
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T/N:

Predestined fate- 劫數 –Kalpa, Wikipedia “a Sanskrit word meaning an aeon, or a relatively long period of time (by human calculation) in Hindu and Buddhist cosmology.”

This is the longest chapter of the novel btw

This extra is part of Chap 15.1 in the raws.

Next Chapter: Hilarity ensues

EDIT:

At this point you can read Extra 1 , an AU story with Xue Zi Xuan as the ML. Translated by Moonlightfrost10 and Vanilla Muse. Enjoy!

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lann
lann
1 month ago

Xzx reminds me of the vermander curse’s (a very good game🙌) antagonist, jp vermander (in the good ending)

Dikshya
Dikshya
1 month ago

I am just gonna pretend he went back on time and met the original character and lived happily ever after

chrustine
chrustine
5 months ago

Hmmm this is my fist comment in this novel i feel sorry for him.

Xiexie
Xiexie
6 months ago

I already read for so many times but still cry everytime

Angel
Angel
6 months ago

I sometimes have a hard time feeling empathy to other people. The reason why I like reading so much is because I actually feel emotion by doing it. So I can see it from his perspective, sometimes I get so scared by myself because I’m worried that I would hurt people. It might be fictional but his condition is real.

Moran
Moran
6 months ago
Reply to  Angel

Same, sometimes Im afraid that all my emotions or actions like laughter or anger are fake because I can so easily become blank while doing them. Then I get anxious, feel empty, and feel so numb.. that I deliberately search or review the previous stories that made me cry just to get a release and FEEL

Dummy dum
Dummy dum
2 months ago
Reply to  Angel

Same here. I actually feel awkward expressing anger and shouting. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Its because my eyes and facial don’t know how to show anger, shock, horrified and so on. But its easy to smile. 🤷🏻‍♀️ As for laughing they call me crazy for laughing at corny jokes even thought its a fake laugh.

Dummy dum
Dummy dum
2 months ago
Reply to  Dummy dum

Also the pain and when a stray dogs chases you. We all know that a normal person would shout but I dont. If someone chase me I would keep my mouth shut. When I feel pain, I would say ” Can you lift your chair because my feel is stuck in the chairs leg.” 🤷🏻‍♀️ And so on.

I think shouting and expressing pain is more convenient. Because they will act quicker instead of looking at you and where you are hurt and then helping. Sometimes they would even not help because they though you arent experiencing pain… I just hate how I cant shout pain.

Ah, I just expressed want I want to say.

Saggy
Saggy
6 months ago

I dont feel sympathy for xzx but it is a miss because if the character was the ml it could be really interesting

kuroh
kuroh
6 months ago

Crying for XZX.. he definitely deserved better. T_T my poor heart. This is so so sad ugh

Oil
Oil
8 months ago

i’m crying 😭😭😭

he believed in his love until I felt faith in his feelings.

yingcci
yingcci
8 months ago

SO WHENEVER YOU ASK ME HOW I FEEL
PLEASE REMEMBER MY ANSWER IS YOUUUUU
WE’LL BE ALRIGHT I WANT TO TRY AGAIN
WE’LL BE ALRIGHT PLEASE TRY AGAINNNN /LY

Oldvine
Oldvine
9 months ago

I want this guy. Give him to me.

Siliel
Siliel
9 months ago

i think last 5 months i also felt pity for xzx and wanted him to have extra story with zys for redemption ig, however now (you can call me heartless or anything) i think my perspective changed—i feel strongly sad for him, i want a happy ending for him however i can’t bring myself to say that it’s okay for him and zys to be together haha. But im happy, he genuinely did want to restart again, xzx is a great character and i love him but I can’t say that i 100% love the extra chaps (still read it tho and it’s fine cause i love this book.)

Catherine Corabelle
Catherine Corabelle
9 months ago

He’s just a string of data.. Just a string of data.. Just a sting of – GODAMMIT STOP CRYING CATHERINE

Novellife
Novellife
9 months ago

I think XZX is a good guy, his only problem is that he only ever likes music.
I really feel sorry for him.

LingMomo
LingMomo
10 months ago

We there it is, i’ve read all those comments too and i can understand why some ppl still don’t like him. But after reading this and you’re still able to not feel anything (it doesn’t have to be ‘oh i wished he’s got a happy ending with ZYS in another world’ type of pity, but just a compassion for him, accepting that he paid for his mistakes and feeling bittersweet about his fate, thats enough) then i’m sorry you are more heartless than XZX, at least he can love despite him being designed to be that way, at least he owned up for his mistakes and gave up everything for his love…

LingMomo
LingMomo
10 months ago
Reply to  LingMomo

his music does not matter to him anymore, the scar on his hands proves it. It will always be a reminder that he saved the boy’s life and that alone is enough for him to keep living until his last days. He does not have a chance, he knows he does not deserve it in this life, thats why he understands, but his love remains the same. Ppl because they are not fond of a second male lead situation, they will never see beyond that, they will try and try to paint him as the villain because of his past deeds, never forgiving him, never feeling sorry for him even a little bit cause of what he did to ZYS in the past life…but he was a string of data programmed to function according to the world’s choices (keep in mind ZYS himself was under the villain system, so you cannot determine how his actions in the past looked like to a third party). In the past, he fell for FL because of music, in this life he fell for MC cause of music..

LingMomo
LingMomo
10 months ago
Reply to  LingMomo

You may think thats all his love is worth. But its more than that, him along with others are strings of data, they do not go beyond what the world/LG assigns for them, but him falling for a real life soul (MC) is vastly different than the previous life. It made all the difference. Remember its all about choice, ML too is a data, but he comes across MC, a real soul, so ofc the bond is esp deep…that is what happened to XZX too. His feelings for FL in the past is not the same as his feelings for MC in this life. You can go ahead and dismiss it if you want, cause this is just my opinion and how i see it. You can even keep condemning him and saying he only loved MC cause of music, thats fine, its your right to not like him still. You can even bring up his crimes from the past, thats fine too, thats what MC too was relying on to fuel his grudge in this life…which is okay, cause he can take revenge for the injustices, cruel death he was put through. But remember that MC was all about revenge, ofc he won’t noticed the changes in XZX in this second reincarnation. And i won’t fault him for it, cause thats what he’s here to do, to find his lover and avenge himself. I just want to say that you can feel pity for XZX without feeling guilty, you don’t have to worry because he will not be a threat to the main cp in the main storyline. There is no competition, MC’s hearts beats only for Immortal Lover. So you don’t have to downplay his sincere love like that cause of his past life’s mistakes. He paid for… Read more »

LingMomo
LingMomo
10 months ago
Reply to  LingMomo

One last thing if i can feel sorry and slight pity for past data charas like arc 11 zerg!Joshua and arc 10 Boel Britte of all people🤦, then i am feeling immense pity and heartbreak for Xue ZiXuan, the unfortunate strings of data, who, against all odds set by the LG/Queen managed to fall in love with a real soul (the enemy of his maker) for real. Don’t get me wrong, i’m always and forever ZYSxImmortal Lover, but i also admire that another data was able to fall in love despite the LG’s restriction. And i wished him a happy ending on his alternate ending extras.

Hua Cheng's Bitch
Hua Cheng's Bitch
10 months ago

Bloody beautiful writing. Thank you Translator San

Fall
Fall
10 months ago

He’s both lucky and unlucky to have met mc, lucky that he found something wonderful than the music, unlucky that his life was destroyed cause of it.
He’s not kind but not cruel. He’s just someone who loves music more dearly than anything else. He only feels emotions for something related to music. That’s the kind of a person he is.
You can see how he really doesn’t care about his own family, he called himself emotionless monster after he found out how he didn’t felt anything even though his past sister died, that was cause only music was his passion, his surviving point and his pride.

Fall
Fall
10 months ago
Reply to  Fall

Ngl, I like him.

rotten latte
rotten latte
11 months ago

i cried so bad for xzx…. but he kinda deserves it..
if i were mc, i would not spare him too bcs he was ignorant and let mc died.
this was a pure revenge. but i think deep down mc feel a bit bad for xzx as he protect mc from the scalpel and ended up ruining his precious fingers.

Erika Rhea
Erika Rhea
11 months ago

I feel very very conflicted right now, on one hand he was part of the reason why orginal Huang Yi died, but on the other hand I feel like he’s also a victim? I read this one comment where they said he’s mentally unsound and I agree to that. That doesn’t give him the rights to be cruel tho. At least he left the world contented.

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