FOD Chap 14 Extra: Xue Zi Xuan

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Xue Zi Xuan Extra:

After his sister’s death, Xue Zi Xuan realized that he was a monster. That year, he was only eleven years old, and he practiced in the piano room every day in order to participate in the Chopin International Piano Competition. He remembered, one day, his mother suddenly rushed in and choked, “Zi Xuan, your sister passed away, go see her.”

He walked out of the piano room to find that his home had already been arranged into a funeral hall, his less than a year old sister lying in a small coffin, wrapped in new swaddling. She was born with erythroblastosis, and still passed away after several months of treatment. His mother was lying on the table, crying bitterly, yelling out his sister’s name with heart wrenching wails. His father was silently crying, his eyes red, his expression similarly grief-stricken. Xue Zi Xuan touched his heart, but it truly was awfully tranquil. He couldn’t feel their grief, he couldn’t blend in with this family. When they were busy rushing back and forth to treat his sister’s illness, he never even asked about her well-being.

“Take a good look at her! What’s that look on your face? Don’t you feel sad?” His mother had apparently noticed his abnormality, she pressed his indifferent face to the small coffin, so he could look at his dead sister’s face. He stared at her indifferently, his eyes dry, after a long time, his mother let him go and regarded him with new, doubtful eyes.

After his sister’s burial, his mother took him to visit a psychiatrist, from then on, he started a five-year treatment. He slowly accepted the fact that he was a monster who couldn’t feel empathy, such people couldn’t understand the feelings of others, didn’t understand what it was to feel their sadness or joy. He had scoffed at this, because he knew that music could make him feel sad, and even make him feel happy. In the world of music, he was complete.

But many years later, when that fated boy appeared, he understood what it was to feel truly complete. Prior to this, his world was black and white, like the jumping piano keys, but after his arrival, the world’s most beautiful colors were brought into his monochrome world, loveliness and beauty that he had never appreciated before.

His mother was suffering from depression, and even had suicidal tendencies, in order to help alleviate her condition, his father adopted a baby girl. But unfortunately, when the girl was three-years-old, she was diagnosed with congenital heart disease. Because the Xue family already had one dead daughter, they refused to give up on another, so his parents spared no effort for her treatment. Xue Zi Xuan already understood that he was different from ordinary people, and had learned to cover it up. Even though he felt nothing for this sister, he reluctantly accepted her intimacy, but this eventually led to a habit of wearing gloves, which was his last layer of defense.

When she was six years old, her piano talent started showing, and he saw her for the first time, he even thought that she’d appeared in the Xue family by the will of heaven. He was willing to teach every talented child, and he looked forward to their growth. The country needed more people to uphold music, because it was the only place that could make him feel emotions, it was his bridge to the real world. If there was no music, it felt like he was living in a vacuum, and would eventually suffocate.

As his sister grew to sixteen years old, her heart gradually became unable to support her increasingly maturing body. When his father asked him to secretly bring her twin brother back to the Xue house, he knew what they were going to do, but he didn’t feel anything. His sister needed a healthy heart, and someone could provide such a heart, that was all.

The first time he met the boy was in a rundown loess cave, to tell the truth, the first impression was not good. He never imagined that the waxy skinned, yellow dirt stained boy standing in front of him would became his most beautiful dream, and his most regretful predestined fate. On the way back to the capital, he didn’t say a word to him, and after he took him back to the Xue house, he treated him with extreme apathy and warned him, one, don’t touch me; two, don’t call me brother. After all the dust settled, he often recalled this sentence, and felt like his bones were being crushed and his heart was being clawed out.

The boy looked up at him, his black eyes full of fear and confusion, faint tears glittering in his eyes, as if he would cry at any moment. Every night, every night for the rest of his life he dreamed of being able to travel back to that point in time, to hold the boy tightly in his arms and tell him in the gentlest tone. “You can, you can do anything to me. Don’t be scared, I’ll protect you.”

But in reality, he’d done nothing for him. He threw him to his scheming family and left, until he came back home after his tour and found him sitting before the piano. He couldn’t believe that it was the first time the boy had touched a piano, his ‘Good Morning’ made him feel as if he was smelling the fresh morning dew and the dawn, the exhaustion from the long journey immediately dispersing. That was the first time he’d truly looked into the boy’s eyes, suddenly realizing that they were extremely beautiful eyes, and as he stared deeper into those eyes, it felt as if he could glimpse another gorgeous world in his bottomless pupils.

That world was so mysterious that it fascinated him. He began teaching the boy to play piano, and was forever captured. The boy was even more outstanding than he’d imagined, and when he sat in front of the piano, cheerfully dancing with his fingers, he simply couldn’t look away from him. He was like a magnificent bridge, like a surging tide, charging into his heart with irresistible force.

When he saw the boy fondly lying on Xue Yan’s knees and chatting happily with him, he felt jealousy. He hated his original self for being so indifferent to him, turning his heart away from him and letting him give it to another. If he’d taken care of him after bringing him back to the Xue house, and listened to his anxiousness and confusion, maybe he would’ve become the most important person in his life.

But this ‘maybe’ had never existed from the start. When his sister and parents squeezed and exploited the boy, he gradually became conscious of why he’d originally brought him back. The boy stood on the Vienna Golden Hall’s stage, shocking the world with his superb skills, but also shattering his heart. The boy’s tears and sweat that had sprinkled onto the keys had also fallen onto his heart, watering a seed called love, letting it quickly take root and sprout. His barren, desert-like heart was gradually covered in green vines and beautiful flowers, and each flower was condensed from his love for the boy and his music.

He was a lovely high note, he was the most beautiful melody, and also the most touching love song. Through him, he realized the beauty and warmth of the real world. He ran onto the stage and firmly embraced him, announcing to the world that he was his pride. If he could, he wanted to freeze time at the moment of their embrace.

The boy made his hollow chest grow a heart, gushing out blood, becoming a flesh and blood man capable of feeling. However, wherever life had a beautiful side, there was naturally an ugly side. When he brought the boy back to the Xue house, he was once again suddenly conscious of his original purpose for bringing him there.

His sister asked him if he wanted her to live, this sentence made his blood condense into ice. He naturally wanted her to live, but if he could only choose one, he knew which one he would choose. He tried to protect him, but it was all too late.

The boy seemed to notice something off about the family, escaping the Xue house that night. He both wanted to bring him back, and hoped he would never come back. But as long as he recalled him lying on Xue Yan’s knees and smiling brightly, he couldn’t restrain his jealousy. At that time, the boy’s eyes were full of countless stars, floating across one by one, forming a bright light stream. His greatest wish was for that stream to envelop him too one day.

He endured it for three days, almost going mad from desperately missing him. When his father decided to bring the boy back, he was ecstatic, and anxiously impatient.

But then reality gave him the hardest blow. The boy had unexpectedly joined with Xue Yan, and while he was still fretting and hesitant, they had made a commitment for a happy future. He didn’t know how to get away from the Xue family, he woke up from nightmares every day. Xue Yan had found out about their plot, his father was extremely panicked, but he was only concerned about whether the boy had also found out the truth. What he craved most was the boy’s love and attention, and what he feared most was the boy’s hatred. However, he not only didn’t get his love, he could possibly be confronted with his hatred.

Who would fall in love with someone trying to kill them? This was his original sin that he would never be able to wash away. He hid in his room, clutching his throbbing heart, he clearly had a healthy body, but he was experiencing the gut wrenching pain of his sister’s heart attacks, wishing for death. When the boy returned to the Xue house, every cell in his body was clamoring in longing, but he didn’t even have the courage to look him in the face.

He was afraid to see hate and resistance in his pure, watery eyes. Hate was a knife, it would cut his mind and soul into pieces. However, beneath the pain and suffering he felt a trace of relief: It’s good the boy got away, now he can’t be hurt. But in the end, he’d underestimated his sister’s determination, when he received the butler’s warning message, he almost dropped the phone.

He rushed home as fast as he could, but it was still too late. Seeing the boy’s bloody chest wound, he felt like his own body was cut. When the police brought him out, his reoccurring nightmare had already become reality. The boy was hiding behind Xue Yan, and looking at him with fear and hate.

At that moment, the green vines and beautiful flowers in his heart all withered, once again barren. The bloody wind assaulted his face, almost choking him. In that moment, the gorgeous and magnificent world he was able to peep into had completely closed. The blissful future he’d imagined countless times had become unending hopelessness. It was at this moment that he realized what it truly meant to lose the boy’s trust.

It was a dead silence more terrible than death.

The doctor told him that his hands couldn’t be healed to their previous condition, but he didn’t feel anything. These hands were destroyed to save the boy, this thought brought him unprecedented satisfaction, he even looked at the bloody bandages with gratefulness. Before that, he’d never done anything for him, now, he was willing to pay everything for him. He tried his best to cooperate with the police investigation, and confessed in court. He’d stared at the plaintiff seat, hoping the boy would look at him, even if it was with hate.

But he was still disappointed, the boy’s hatred had reached a point where even looking at him was nauseating.

He lowered his head and told himself that this was the retribution he deserved. The Xue family collapsed, and Xue Rui’s company was annexed by Xue Yan. Part of its assets was used to cover debts, part was used to compensate for the boy’s mental trauma. Xue Zi Xuan was the world’s former top pianist, he had quite a lot of savings. He refused the agent’s proposal to sell the mansion, the boy had lived here for at least a year, if he moved, he would lose his last connection to him.

Now, his outcome could be considered as ‘a complete defeat and fall from grace’ and ‘ruined and orphaned’. Because of ligament rupture, even holding a pen was difficult, not to mention playing the piano. If it was the past, he would certainly be unable to face such despair, but now, he was quite peaceful, because he was paying for his crimes. He seemed to have lost everything, but only he knew, the burning love that filled his heart had not even been slightly reduced, instead, with the passage of time, it grew more and more intense, and it was enough to keep him living. He sat in front of the TV and unblinkingly stared at the boy’s performance with Ivanov.

After the attempted murder, the boy was known as the tragic genius, his amazing talent and rough life made everyone fanatically love him. In fact, he was worthy of this love. He performed so well, the audience stood up and applauded, and many of the invited war veterans even burst into tears. A long time later, after the boy’s figure had long disappeared from the screen, Xue Zi Xuan wiped away his cold tears, and walked to his desk. Then he drew music notes using the burning love that overflowed from his heart.

He edited it over and over again, spending a full five years to compose the song ‘Forever’. Then, with apprehension and excitement, he mailed it to the boy who had already grown into a piano master, no, he should be called a young man. He was still so handsome, his clear and bright eyes also hadn’t change. He behaved more and more low-key, often not appearing in public for a year or two, unless there was a major performance. Xue Yan had treated his legs, and every time they bustled through a crowd, he would embrace his shoulder protectively, and even reach out to hold his waist, his smile especially contented. There was a lot of speculation about their relationship, but no one dared to be too excessive.

Xue Zi Xuan collected all the media photos of the two, cutting out Xue Yan’s face, and made an album. The belief that kept him alive was – Perhaps one day, that boy will personally play ‘Forever’ as a memorial to his love. However, Xue Zi Xuan waited for a lifetime, in the end, he couldn’t wait any longer. He laid on a hospital bed, a needle piercing the back of his wrinkled hand, hooked up to a ventilator.

He pulled off the ventilator and took a difficult breath. His vision started to blur, and he seemed to return to the beginning, when he was a young man, walking down the muddy path and into the boy’s dilapidated cave. Seeing the boy’s dirty face, his bright, star-filled eyes widening in wonder as he looked at him, he couldn’t help but smile. He walked over, unhesitantly pulled the dirt stained boy into his arms, and piously kissed his forehead, sighing, “I’m here. This time, I’ll protect you. Can we start again?”

The boy nodded ignorantly, his dark pupils vividly reflecting his figure.

In a longed for, magnificent fantasy, Xue Zi Xuan contentedly left the world.
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T/N:

Predestined fate- 劫數 –Kalpa, Wikipedia “a Sanskrit word meaning an aeon, or a relatively long period of time (by human calculation) in Hindu and Buddhist cosmology.”

This is the longest chapter of the novel btw

This extra is part of Chap 15.1 in the raws.

Next Chapter: Hilarity ensues

EDIT:

At this point you can read Extra 1 , an AU story with Xue Zi Xuan as the ML. Translated by Moonlightfrost10 and Vanilla Muse. Enjoy!

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rillaa
rillaa
5 years ago

yesterday:(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
today:(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
when kez appears: (# ゚□)┌@≡@≡@)Д)ノノ☆
when kez updates: (❁´▽`❁)*✲゚*
if kez was willing to speed up releases through donations: ( ゚ Д゚)ノ[ ($) ] “shut up and take my money”

Luna Knight
Luna Knight
5 years ago

Kez-sama, are you okay? Are you sick? Hurt? Could you at least respond to someone in the comment section so that we know that you are okay? If something came up or you are just unable to update, please just tell us. We won’t be mad at you if you have to delay the update, we just want to know if you are okay or if something came up. Please, just tell us if you are alright.

ClosetFujoshi
ClosetFujoshi
5 years ago

I’m a wittle ghost who has long since died waiting for FOD. I’m now gunna hunt this comment section every single day until Kez-sama updates.

オバケ~~(m´ρ`)m

Lion
Lion
5 years ago

Kez-sama!!! I promise I’ll stop being a silent reader! Please! I really need arc 15! ????????it’s 4th April in 30 minutes!

Concerned Gay Doctor
Concerned Gay Doctor
5 years ago

Yes finally the update has come. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee jk

Fellow fujoshi sister
Fellow fujoshi sister
5 years ago

Why i can’t see the update,
Is something go wrong with my connection??

That One Lonely Potato
That One Lonely Potato
5 years ago

You made me happy for a moment, but then I saw the “jk” and I was like KEZ-SAMA IS ALREADY PLAYING WITH MY FEELINGS I DON’T NEED ANOTHER PERSON TO DO THE SAME (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

Mudra
Mudra
5 years ago

I thought the exact same thing! And within three hours 4th April will start here, just where is the damn update!?
(´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)
I want to reeead, Kez-sama!

Concerned Gay Doctor
Concerned Gay Doctor
5 years ago
Reply to  Mudra

Me too I’m sorry. Please gimme update pleeeeaaaaase (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

Concerned Gay Doctor
Concerned Gay Doctor
5 years ago

Kez. Must you torture me so. My family is worried. I haven’t left my room since March 24th constantly refreshing this very page. I’m beginning to think that this is amusing to you. Very well, be amused but pay me for my entertainment fee with arc 15 pleeeeeeeeeze. m(._.)m

Fellow fujoshi sister
Fellow fujoshi sister
5 years ago

Hue… I keep refresh this site everyday wishing there’s new update of FOD. But there’s none (cry)
I keep telling my self “be patient, be patient, kez-sama will hear your voice same day”, but i can’t stop my self from crying n shout “where is my FOD dosage” T_T

That One Lonely Potato
That One Lonely Potato
5 years ago

Someone tell me why I’m up at 2:42 AM in the morning, repeatedly clicking the refresh button on my knees with the words “Kez sama have mercy on me” coming out of my mouth?
-This One Lonely Potato

Mudra
Mudra
5 years ago

3rd April, 11:03 AM here in India. God, Kez-sama, isn’t this enough? Why must you torture us like this?!
*Dramatically faints because of dehydration caused by too much crying*

MeeChan
MeeChan
5 years ago
Reply to  Mudra

Paki here! Its 11:20 am now ? Let us all lament together. *cries*
Btw anybody had a problem here where you couldnt see the comments?

Mudra
Mudra
5 years ago
Reply to  MeeChan

I did! I guess the site isn’t working properly.
(ಥ﹏ಥ) I might just die without reading the next arc. Anyway, it was nice seeing a Pakistani here!
(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ Love from India!

Concerned Gay Doctor
Concerned Gay Doctor
5 years ago

11:58 April 2nd over here in the mid west

Chibidere
Chibidere
5 years ago

It’s 9:06 pm California time. Only Hawaii is 3 hours behind. So technically, there are 6 hrs left for April 2nd, 2018. Please have mercy on us Kez-sama.

Anne
Anne
5 years ago
Reply to  Chibidere

It’s already April 3rd here in Canada. Just what am i supposed to do?!?!?!?! I’ve been refreshing the NU page, Kez-sama’s web page and my WP page since last week!!!!
Why would you toy with my heart so much Kez-sama?!???? JUST WHY!?!!!!!!!?!!!!!??

Lion
Lion
5 years ago
Reply to  Anne

Same here…. it’s April 3rd in Indonesia… 12 hours left until 4th April…..

Chibidere
Chibidere
5 years ago
Reply to  Lion

I feel your pain comrades. I’ve been refreshing and waiting all day.

Anne
Anne
5 years ago
Reply to  Lion

…at this moment…idk how i will survive my life…i was waiting on Kez-sama for inspiration for my work…adn its all due this week.. *wu wu wu*

Lion
Lion
5 years ago

I…. I’m a silent reader….. a reader who has never post any comment…. kez-sama….. you turn me like this….. I have never been so desperate before…. I keep refreshing NU to look for c.15…. but it never showed up! I keep telling myself to be more patient. But I just can’t hold it anymore! I ended up reread everything…. I’ve done 3 times… And will begin the 4th time soon…. kez-sama…. look at me….! You are the one who turn me like this ah! I need my FOD doses soon. Or I’m going to be crazy….. soon……..

Rayakashi
Rayakashi
5 years ago

Rayakashi: *Full Chuunibyou Mode* This Fujoshi has never begged anyone, will beg anyone, and will ever beg anyone now or in the future! So has this Fujoshi decreed! Go against this Great Master and face a thousand thunder bolts as retribution!

Kez: … Yeah, I’ll come back next week.
(눈_눈)
Rayakashi: Wah! Kez-sama I was joking! Joking! If you want me to beg I can do that. You want me to do a dogeza? I can do that too!
Σ(°△°|||)︴
Kez: Oh? A dogeza?
σ( ̄、 ̄〃)
Rayakashi: Yeah that kneeling bowing thing. Just ah, give me 10 minuets. I’ll just, um, quickly look it up on YouTube. Not that I don’t know how to do one! Just you know, for reference- I want to do this properly.
( ̄^ ̄)ゞ

ClosetFujoshi
ClosetFujoshi
5 years ago
Reply to  Rayakashi

Not just Dogeza, you might as well kowtow to Kez-sama and swear fealty. Orz.

Nixxie
Nixxie
5 years ago

Kez was going to update on Monday, it couldn’t haven’t been a April’s fools joke right,,,,? _(´ཀ`」 ∠)_
Please don’t toy with my emotions like this,,
Eagerly awaiting update! (⁎⁍̴̛ᴗ⁍̴̛⁎)

Saphieer
Saphieer
5 years ago
Reply to  Nixxie

This cant be an April’s fool joke, alright.
I can take April’s fool from anybody and anything but Kez and FOD.

Kez-sama! Desperately calling for you to update!
I have work in the morning yo. TT–TT

Night
Night
5 years ago

Auto conclusion: Kez still on holiday mood. Won’t update today.

Dear fellow readers,
Kindly wait for next Monday!

Luna Knight
Luna Knight
5 years ago
Reply to  Night

Dear fellow reader,
I seem to be incapable of waiting until next Monday. My lack-of-FOD symptoms have gotten worse, and it has gotten to the point where this page is being refreshed every couple seconds. This does not include the lack of motivation to do anything else but refresh this page in addition to other symptoms that other FOD readers seem to face without their dose of chapters.

Please, fellow reader, have hope and faith in Kez-sama. Let us readers support each other until the next update (•̀o•́)ง

Concerned Gay Doctor
Concerned Gay Doctor
5 years ago
Reply to  Night

Please tell me this is joke. (*´Д`*)

Mudra
Mudra
5 years ago
Reply to  Night

Another whole week?!
ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ
Please, nooo! 。゜(`Д´)゜。

Lion
Lion
5 years ago
Reply to  Night

Ah…. I can see my late grandma waving her hand at me….. eh? You want me to stay with you? Wait grandma! Walk slower ah! Why are you so fast?!

Ah? Where is grandma? Everything is dark…. I can see a shining gate not far from me… maybe grandma is there… grandma, wait for me…! I’m coming!

Concerned Gay Doctor
Concerned Gay Doctor
5 years ago

Kez I beg of you please feed me. I’m just so hungry. (΄◉◞౪◟◉`)

Rayakashi
Rayakashi
5 years ago

You know… when I first read your username I felt my own was a bit lacking in the in your face category and had the sudden urge to change my own username.
(゜∇ ゜)ブ

Concerned Gay Doctor
Concerned Gay Doctor
5 years ago
Reply to  Rayakashi

Yeah I tend to get a bit creative with my homosexual usernames. I was once a homosexual hot potato.

Mudra
Mudra
5 years ago

This whole conversation is
so weird, honestly. And awfully hilarious too.
(☞ຈل͜ຈ)☞
By the way, I’m jealous of your username. But if I change mine, I’d lose my identity.

Shin00
Shin00
5 years ago

“The Counterbalance Project “

Mudra
Mudra
5 years ago

It’s been so long since the last update, I need my FOD dose now, Kez-sama! Please, have mercy! ?

Ortherz
Ortherz
5 years ago

While waiting for updates..i explore my wattpad account. it has been ages since i read from wattpad.but who cares i need my antidotes?.and and aannndddd i discover a lot of transmigated and system bl novels?. What make me excited is mostly they are inspired by fod..but yeahhh fod is stiiilll the best.????

Dragon
Dragon
5 years ago

When you’re waiting at 11:35 hoping that at 12 it will update… but we probs all have different times so this is a conundrum 🙁

Rayakashi
Rayakashi
5 years ago
Reply to  Dragon

Your telling me. I’ve been getting a lot of April fools day updates both yesterday and today. Considering the time differences I’m most likely going to receive April fools day updates tomorrow too.
One of my favorite authors updated putting up a smut scene that I didn’t know was fake till it got cut off half way through with a April fools day note.
Another author left an announcement saying they were dropping their story (I thought it was real-the Author sounded so sorry about it).
There were many many more… I definitely am not looking forward for more April fools day updates…
-Currently Crying Reader
(ಥ﹏ಥ)

Shin00
Shin00
5 years ago
Reply to  Rayakashi

Same here ???

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